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When I wrote the book “The Temperaments and the Adult-Child Relationship” I wanted to focus on creating a handbook for parents working on a better relationship with their child. The two main keys to making this book successful was to make sure I included:

1. Specific guidelines for each temperament combinations so people didn’t have to “figure it out” – they could immediately start helping enrich and de-stress the relationship they have with their child. This book didn’t just talk about each temperament. It had to include a chapter on each temperament and 16 more chapters with each parent-child combination.
2. The assumption that only one person in the relationship would be working on the temperament issues in the relationship – because the child was too young to do so in an active way. So each of the 16 chapters assumed the person in the “parent” position was doing the main work and was simply guiding the child through subtle tips, stories and other tools.

So what does this have to do with your spouse, mother-in-law, parents, friends or co-workers? Everything! You may have been wanting to work on your relationship with them for a long time and you know using the temperament system will work but you can’t get them to “go along” with it and cooperate.

Using the book “The Temperaments and the Adult-Child Relationship” you can finally work on ANY of your relationships without having the second person participate. This method has been successful for hundreds of my consulting clients and even myself. Of course it is ideal to have both people in a relationship participate in any improvements but the reality is that this rarely happens. Usually one person has the “relationship improvement” idea first and the other one either participates after some time or never really wants to participate in a system of relationship improvement.

To use this book with anyone in your life all you need to do is put the other person in the role of the “non-participant” (called “the child” in the book) and put yourself in the role of the parent. This does not imply that your partner or friend is a “child” it is simply a tool you can use to improve your relationships when you are the person initiating the ideas.

There is something about Easter that just makes me want to dye everything! We do play silks, clothing, yarn and of course, eggs. Why get out the dye and go to all that work just for one thing?

Here are a couple "tried a true" tips for using natural dyes (plants, herbs, etc...)

NATURAL FIXATIVE FOR PLANTS:
1. Mix 8 cups of cold water with 2 cups of vinegar
2. Put in a cooking pot.
3. Simmer your cloth (do not boil) for an hour in this solution.
4. Rinse in clean tap-water and squeeze out the excess water
5. Line dry
6. Once it is dry it can be used and washed normally
For future reference

NATURAL FIXATIVE – GENERAL RECIPE
If you are using berries for color, you can make a simple fixative of 8 cups cold water and a half cup of salt. If you are using plant materials, mix 8 cups cold water with 2 cups of vinegar. Add your item, and simmer for an hour. Rinse and gently squeeze out excess water.

Last week Yale University released a study that showed increased salt intake may be responsible for triggering autoimmune diseases. They studied cell function in 100 healthy individuals and noticed that when the people in the study visited fast food restaurants as little as once a week that they could actually measure an increased level in destructive inflammatory cells. These cells are responsible for attacking healthy tissue in autoimmune diseases. Some of these diseases include multiple sclerosis, psoriasis, and rheumatoid arthritis.

Of course, the dangers of excess salt are nothing new to people trying to follow a healthier way of eating. Excess salt has already been found culprit in heart disease, strokes and many other health problems.

The thing that people don’t always know, however, is that excess salt is found in health foods, healthy choices at restaurants and places you may not have imagined it would be found. So avoiding fast food might not be the only way to keep your salt intake down. Awareness will be the best tool you have in your “health artillery”. So where are some of the surprising locations of excess salt?

1. Healthy Soups. The can says organic and the soup is rich in vegetables and healthy ingredients but check the sodium content. Even healthy soups rely on a high sodium content to carry their flavor – you may be shocked at the sodium content in your “healthy” soup.

2. Bread – surprisingly BREAD is a big culprit in the salt intake area. Check the bread you are eating to see how much salt is in each slice. You might be shocked.

3. Cakes and Pastries – These pack a wollop of salt – especially the ones that are “gluten free” or “sugar free” because they have to put something in there to trick our taste buds into enjoying the different tastes they are presenting.

4. Cereal – check the sodium levels on your favorite organic healthy morning breakfast cereal. And note that even if it says “sea salt” it still translates to your body as sodium intake.

5. Vegetable Juices – They look so inviting with their 25 servings of vegetables…until you read the sodium content on the label.

6. Salad Dressing – Even healthy ones may contain 300-600mg of sodium PER SERVING. Wow.

7. Iced Tea – Yes, some of the flavored ones contain salt!

8. Chicken – Even “organic” chickens have sometimes been prepared with salt. Check out the packaging.

And of course there is pizza (760mg per slice!) and many others that we already know about like canned foods and fast foods.

Practice awareness and “back to basics” eating to keep yourself healthy.

One of the lamentations I hear from clients, parents and teachers is "I could never accomplish what they accomplished!" We are so bombarded with messages on Facebook, newsletters, blogs and other avenues that proclaim the successes of others that our accomplishments pale in comparison.

But do they?

Although it appears many people are the "ideal natural parent or teacher" online, the reality is something of a mix. Next time you feel "down" about what you have accomplished remember these tips:

1. Many accomplishments you see or hear proclaimed may actually be the result of many years of hard work. For example, The BEarth Institute started as a one-page home-made HTML based website 20 years ago and has grown slowly over that time. None of what you see there happened quickly. I always tell people "It had better look impressive - it took 20 years to create it!"

2. It isn't healthy to share the negative things. I've had bad days, I've yelled at my children occassionally and even said things I wish I should not have said. I've had days when I was so sick I laid on the couch and told all the kids to "find something to do" (in the most troll-like voice you can imagine ;). But its not healthy to share negative energy with the world. What value would it bring to the world to say "I'm having a miserable day and I yelled at my child today." Nobody wants to hear about that and it does not add value or inspiration to anyone's life - but the fact that parents and teachers are silent on such matters does not mean they do not exist. It just means they have the wisdom to keep quiet until they are thinking more clearly.

3. People don't post their daily diet. Yes, I've eaten an MacDonalds and I've fed my kids french fries. It's not a habit but it has happened. Why didn't I post photos of us at MacDonalds? Because the visits happened so infrequently and didn't really reflect what we are all about. I, like many others, are careful to make sure that what they post reflects their "average" life or "ideal" and does not reflect that "one bad choice" they made. Once it is out there it has a life of its own and could become viral and give the impression that a "one time thing" was a habit.

4. We create our own reality. By posting the positive we focus on the positive and that DOES become the reality over time. Not 100% of the time, but it does help - so you won't see many negative posts from people who are striving to stay positive.

5. Posting mistakes can be confusing. When someone writes a BLOG or a newsletter they want it to be informational and helpful. Would you find it more helpful to read about the beautifully executed lesson plans with pictures and clear instructions or would you rather hear about the failures with confusing pictures and no instructions? It could be confusing if someone posted an assortment - you wouldn't know which posts you could use and which ones were "just for reading". Most good Bloggers and Newsletter editors realize their readers want information they can use. However, everyone should realize that all this usable information came at the cost of many more unusable or failed lessons.

So...stay focused on the positive but don't let the positive focus make you feel like you have failed! You are successful and the more you focus on the successes you have the more successful you will be!

"Don't eat the salad!" the little girl warned me at the potluck. I was worried. What is wrong with it? Is it old? Did it fall on the floor? "No, salad is yucky!" she explained.

I remember when my son used to tell me that. "Salad is yucky". I even have some friends who won't eat salads. And that is OK. For many reasons:

1. As long as the person is getting their nutrient needs met from other fruits and vegetables, salad is not a necessary part of their diet. Make sure your family and friends are able to choose healthy foods they enjoy instead of being forced to eat foods they do not enjoy. This creates the misconception that "healthy foods are yucky".

2. In the case of children it sometimes takes time for their taste buds to mature. We often don't consider this when trying to get children to eat a varied diet. To understand this think of a child's taste palette in the same way as you would think about their reading level. If your child is reading "Run Spot Run" books then they are probably not ready for food that has the sophisticated taste and texture variations of Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. Watching my own children's tastes develop over their 14, 16 and 18 years of life has reflected this.

3. Family AND friends will be influenced by what you eat and do and not what you say or offer them. A colleague of mine stopped drinking diet sodas after I refused her offers for soda for a year and even explained why a few times when she asked. However, I never lectured her or told her to stop drinking them even though her health complaints were linked to her consumption My kids would often eat what I was eating because they were too lazy to fix any other food and it "looked good" or they wanted to "be like mom".

4. Peer pressure can be good but it needs to be balanced with family support. As teenagers my kids have been so influenced by the teen pressure to "look good" that my readily available healthy foods are now looking quite "fashionable". The fact that I support their "fashionable" choices with hearty whole foods helps balance the pressure to eat "teen healthy" which can actually be quite unhealthy at times (only salad or fake "health foods").

Enjoy the whole foods you love and help those you love enjoy them too :)

Blessings & Health,
Kristie Burns
www.Earthschooling.com

I was listening to NPR last week and heard an update about a study being done in Texas about happiness. The original study showed that adults without children were happier than adults with children. The second study was trying to prove that the original study didn't dig deeply enough. It stated that people with children may actually be happier.

What baffled me is that both studies were based on the assumption that happiness is the same for all people. From years of working with different temperaments I know this is absolutely not true. And if you think about all the people you know and what makes them happy you will realize that you know this isn't true, either. In addition, happiness is not necesssarily a goal that all people have. I've heard many people say they are striving for other feelings in life such as peace, balance, harmony, security or other goals. The general concept of "Happiness" is actually not counted as a central desire for many people because it is defined in such different ways by so many people.

What makes you happy? For me I don't give a lot of importance to the general word "happy". However, I do like to feel "at peace". This feeling usually comes with the satisfaction of seeing a job or task completed or seeing I have helped someone in some way. Being "at peace" is my favorite feeling on earth. I enjoy it even more than if I were at a dinner show with a friend laughing. However, people doing studies would probably define me then as "not happy" or "not enjoying happiness".

I find that my temperament clients are most satisfied when they understand what their "favorite feeling" is and how they can acheive this. I find they are the least satisfied when they try to obtain a goal someone else has set for them. Take some time to think about what your goals are personally - do you strive for peace? Balance? Spiritual satisfaction? Excitement?

When you define your success by your own goals you will find you are more satisfied and successful in life. Don't let someone else tell you that "You need to be happier" or "you need to experience more excitement" or "stop being so depressed (when stated as a perception)", etc...and certainly don't let a study tell you that you would be happier without kids ;)


Blessings & Health,
Kristie Burns
www.Earthschooling.com

Here are our three favorite Valentine's projects we want to share with you...

One important aspect of socialization that people don't take into account is that socialization is different at different ages. For example - do you socialize daily and chat on the phone with your friends all the time and go to parties like you did in High School? If not, does that mean you are not socializing anymore? Would it be appropriate for your kindergartener to have the social life you did as a high school student? This simple example can illustrate to people that socialization is different a different ages. For a KG student the most important form of socialization is parental modeling (see more information here: http://thebearthinstitute.memberlodge.com/Default.aspx?pageId=643771). This parent modeling remains important throughout their life, however, it is essential and should be the majority of their social experience during the early childhood years. Many parents make the mistake of thinking "socialization" needs to happen outside the home at all times and don't realize that during the early childhood years adult-child socialization is the most important element to create a strong, confident child with a strong family base. Once the child reaches 1st or 2nd grade they start to venture out more into their immediate social surroundings. This means neighbors, extended family, friends and church and other close people.

However, these 1st and 2nd grade years are still not an appropriate time to throw the child into extensive or unfamiliar social situations on a regular basis. Focus on the people closest to your child. During these years they should spend time each week with a close friend, cousin, grandparent or other close person. It is not until third grade that the child is ready for a more extensive social experience - one that involves larger groups, regular rotations of unfamiliar people and people outside their regular social circle. However, it is also most appropriate at this 3rd an 4th grade age if the child's social experiences are still chosen by the parent when possible. It is not until the child reaches 6th grade that they are emotionally ready to go "out into the world" and start making social choices "completely on their own" (at least let them think that ;). At this age your child may ask to join groups you may be unfamiliar with or start asking to visit friends you don't even know. Allow them to venture out into these new social experiences (in a safe way of course).

As you can see, the natural progression of socialization starts with the family and reaches out slowly from there. This is also how learning progresses in Waldorf education - it starts with the child's immediate surroundings and expands from there. If the child does not get the social time with their parent they need at this young age it is not going to come up again in the future as the future is full of expanding social opportunities and readiness levels. Be sure not to miss these early years of socialization with your child by thinking "socialization" has one definition that means "my child needs to meet as many people as possible".

I am also aware that some of the things I have said above go against what modern society has pushed children into. Many groups are starting 3-5 year olds in organized soccer and other sports. This is not necessarily bad if they are doing it with their parent present at all time and with a group of steady close friends, but it is completely unnecessary for their social development at that age and some children may not even be ready for it. I always hope those children are allowed to stay home if they ask.

Last week I visited a college campus with my daughter – she will be attending in August 2013. She has already registered and since she does not have much school work left to do before she goes she took on an almost full time job while she waits for the college semester to start! It is so strange to see my little Waldorf “doll” driving herself to work and back and shopping for things she wants with the money she earned and applying for scholarships, finding a roommate and…just going to college!

It seems just yesterday she was holding her Waldorf doll and singing circle time songs with me. But reflecting back on all those years of Waldorf Earthschooling I am able to see how some of the things we did have helped her develop into who she is today and I can also see how valuable all that time I spent with her was. I wanted to share a few of my observations to inspire some of you “newer” parents who many be just starting with Waldorf Earthschooling or homeschooling.

* I am so grateful for each moment I spent with her. Sometimes it seemed I would never do anything but circle time or that I would be lost in play-silks and fairies forever. But now I’m glad we had those years together because they went so fast. I’m glad I didn’t let someone else experience all those moments with her. I’m glad I was there.

* All those things we did that were “different than the norm” cultivated in her an ability to think for herself instead of following “should” or the “in” crowd.

* All those creative activities we did translated into amazing creative film editing skills even though computers were never a big part of our house.

* Letting her follow her own pace in learning to read (she didn’t read until she was 9 even though she started at 7) enabled her to gain confidence in reading and excel beyond her “grade” later in life.

* The different ages and kinds of people she learned with created a very open person who learns from everyone and is able to mix with different groups.

* Her work with the temperaments has enabled her to work with many different kinds of people.

* Her form drawing work developed into an ability to draw very precise scientific drawings and think about pursuing a career in science.

* She is a natural teacher from watching me teach so many classes and from helping with many of them. She may also choose teaching as a career.

* From knitting her own hat and purse to building a table she learned that a person can create their own “reality” and things they need. She doesn’t wait around for people to create things for her.

* Spending time together learning new things as a family bonded her closely with her sister and brother and she regularly spends time with both her sister and brother even though she is on her way to college.

* She has learned that taking a walk in nature is a great way to center her-self and get some of that inner peace that everyone needs to have. She still does it frequently to this day.

* She has not become a great baker from all the bread we shaped over the years (although her brother has!) but she has some great memories from baking done by us together and by her brother and finds the community experience of baking bread or cookies together to be comforting and bonding.

* So much more I could write a book about it! But I guess my BLOGs and Earthschooling curriculum will have to suffice as the “book” for now :)

Wishing you all many happy experiences on your own child’s path to college! I still have two on the path so we will continue to enjoy it with you (and I’m secretly looking forward to grandchildren so I never need to leave the daily joy of Waldorf education ;)

Blessings & Health,
Kristie Burns, MH, ND
www.TheBEarthInstitute.com